The definition of regret, according to Google, is to “feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity.” It is not uncommon for my clients to express regret about their pasts, especially when they have not done therapy before and are starting to see how much better their life can be. “Why did I wait so long? I regret the time I wasted!”
What good does regret do?
When I look back on my life, I could drown in regret. For 40 years I “wasted” my time, being miserable and depressed and contemplating ending my life. Abuse ruled me and colored all my thoughts, emotions, and decisions. My life had no value, at least to me.
I could look back on my life with that view and have regret. But I choose not to. Instead, I look at all the growth I’ve had. And if “those things” had not happed in my life the way they did, I may not be where I am today, which is doing what I know I was meant to do and feeling content and peace. That view, a view of gratitude and understanding and compassion, has much more value to me than regret.
I challenge my clients, and I challenge you, put away regret. Don’t dwell on the past. Instead, have compassion for yourself, be in the present, and soak in your growth. That’s where the value is.
Beautifully said!