As an adult that suffered trauma as a child, it is not a rare thing to always feel like you are that child inside of an adult body. Often times, that child inside takes over. When the child that suffered trauma inside me comes forward, it’s hard to speak. I’m emotional, all feels and no logic, numb, and terrified. Now I know that when this happens, my prefrontal cortex, the logic center of my brain, is offline and the Amygdala – or fear center – has taken over. It’s a natural trauma response, and because of my childhood abuse, I become that 13 year old again.
The little girl inside is heartsick, despondent, doesn’t understand why she has to keep feeling this way over and over again. The grown woman is breathing, meditating, praying, trying to soak up the love and support of others, and has faith it will be okay, eventually. It will be different, but it will be okay.
True healing was evident when I actually felt like an adult. I was the woman inside the adult body. The little girl is always there, hovering around in my heart. I think it is essential to never lose the little girl inside. But healing let’s the little girl grow up, so she can be a true adult in an adult world.