Foreboding Joy

Brene Brown is one of my favorite people that I have never met, but am sure we would be best friends if we ever did meet. She is a solid resource for me and other counselors I know in regards to shame, feelings of guilt, vulnerability… and my favorite, “Foreboding Joy.”

If you have not seen it, I strongly recommend you go to youtube.com and type in “Brene Brown foreboding joy,” in the Search tab, and watch her video. It is only six minutes.

I show this video to many of my clients. I can’t tell you how many clients, and fellow therapists for that matter, have sat across from me and said they are waiting for the other shoe to drop. “It’s easier to expect the worst and then be surprised if things go well.” Or to think about how work is going well, relationships are going well… something is bound to happen soon. Either I’ll mess it up, or something bad will happen. This is foreboding joy.

There was a time in my life when I did not know what true happiness or joy really was. I don’t think I ever felt it. I was numbing out. It was easier to not feel, because when I did, it hurt too much. But you can’t just numb pain or sadness. You can’t single out an emotion to numb. Brene Brown will tell you that. You numb it all, including joy.

But life is about ups and downs. The good times… joy… make the more difficult times easier to bear. You have one precious life, and how do you want to live it? Walking on eggshells waiting for the next horrible thing to happen, or focusing on the positives in life, being grateful for the good, and leaning into joy? Why be stressed out and sad and depressed about something that may never happen? Or before it happens? I’ve been that person, and it’s a painful way to live.

If this past year of COVID has taught us anything, it’s to not take things for granted. Even things like toilet paper! Focus on something joyful every day. Because there is something every single day: the aroma of fresh-baked bread, the laugh of a child, puppy dog snuggles, or one healthy breath. Don’t fear the joy. Embrace it.