Trauma responses come in many forms, and it seems like no matter how long and how hard you work on yourself, they still occur.
I do this thing that irritates my sister. I always thought of it as a positive. I like to get things done. Immediately. If I’m asked to do something, I usually do it right away. But the problem is, I even do things like that when I’m not necessarily asked, or it’s not needed soon.
Case in point. We have a company we use at home for pest control. They spray for spiders and ants and things like that. They come out every three months, and their work is guaranteed so if we have an issue in between, they come back out for free. Last week we noticed a small wasp’s nest on our back gate forming. We were getting ready to leave for the coast for the weekend. Lynn was heading into the restroom and said, “I also noticed spider webs. Don’t we have a pest control for that?”
As she went into the bathroom, I quickly got on my phone, noted the company was there almost exactly a month ago, and fired off an email to them. As Lynn came out of the restroom and we headed out to the cars, I told her. “I emailed them!”
Later, Lynn mentioned to me that I was “doing it again.” I wasn’t meant to do it that minute as we were heading out the door. It could have waited. (Although they did email me back and come out the next day, which I think is a good thing!) She says I need to work on being patient. Especially when it infringes on her.
In processing this, I realize it’s a trauma response in me. I actually get this feeling in my body, anxiety, telling me I have to do this NOW. I think it relates to control. This is something I can fix. This is something I can control. When I was abused, I had no control. I couldn’t fix things. It’s a similar feeling in my body, and relief only comes when the job or whatever is done.
I need to find a happy medium. I need to be comfortable in my skin with being patient, and not negatively affect others due to this response. Easier said than done. (Or I could just keep doing it and keep my mouth shut! 😊 )